My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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