he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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