Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
