Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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