So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
