i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
