its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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