I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
