I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize