we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
