You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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