Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
