Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize