there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
