How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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