I think i peed on brittanys purse
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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