im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
