I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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