Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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