Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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