I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
