Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
