just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
