I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
