I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My pussy is not your playground.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize