is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize