What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
