Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Less talking, more tequila
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
