Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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