so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
