Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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