note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
