Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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