Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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