Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
