I want to have your abortion
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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