Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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