I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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