Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize