Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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