I want you more than these girls want KFC
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
