So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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