I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
