Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
