TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
