I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize