My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
