when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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