remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
