I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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