I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
