My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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