Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
