wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
