I need help removing her.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
