We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
