i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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