1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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