I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
