how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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