Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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