Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
