I wish I only lived at night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
