If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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