No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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