i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
