Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
