Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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