I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
