you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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